


I think we ALL need a hunk in our lives

by salted_sweater



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baby, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hunk is my baby boy, I hate tagging because it becomes rambling but skeetskeet fellas, Korean Keith (Voltron), M/M, Matt is a lot more relevant here than in canon, Odd flex but ok, Paladins, Pining Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Shiro is spiritually 420 emotionally 69 and physically 6, Well i mean its just the paladins minus allura who attend high school but theyre all seniors, also adam isnt dead they just broke up and hes kinda ????, also matt acquires big tiddy gf, groupchat, keith is our chaotic king and lance is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-22 00:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16587053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salted_sweater/pseuds/salted_sweater
Summary: Basically a voltron groupchat fic thats klance centered but not just klance at the same time dab dabalso there will probably be scenes that arent in groupchat form but we'll see..Pidgey: dambPidgey: h*ck you guys I could be innocent and very normal if I wantedBlueballs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABlueballs: BIDGEON USE BIG BOY BAD WORDBlueballs: ME NO LIKEYPidgey: well yeah? fr*ck your standardsBlueballs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA





	1. The Start

**Author's Note:**

> Blueballs: Lance  
> Keef: Keith  
> Grampaps: Shiro  
> Pidgey: Pidge  
> GordonRamsMe: Hunk  
> GodisaWoman:Allura  
> Hearithurgling: Matt

_**Blueballs** has added **GordonRamsMe** , **GodisaWoman** , **Pidgey** , **Keef** , **Grampaps** , and **Hearithurgling** to the chat_

**_Blueballs_** has changed the name of the chat to  **Gamers Only**

 

Blueballs: What's up h

Blueballs: oes

Keef: Lance what is this

Keef: You know I barely use this app why would you add me to a groupchat with 6 other people

Blueballs: Relax keef you can turn off notifs

Keef: how

Blueballs: hhnhnhnh keef you noob I'll dm you

Keef: ok

GordonRamsMe: OwO what's this?

Pidgey: Hunk, my friend, my buddy, shut the hell your mouth

GordonRamsMe: :(

Pidgey: My bad that was too mean I'm sorry you have full permission to eradicate my elbows

Hearithurgling: YEAH PIDGE HOW COULD YOU

Hearithurgling: DON'T BE FUCKING

Hearithurgling: RUDE

Pidgey: Matt what I said no longer applies to Hunk but to you

Pidgey: stop referencing the same like,, 5 videos

Grampaps: MATT CALLOUT

Hearithurgling: katie do you really want to try me, gremlin?

Hearithurgling: also shiro ur next

Grampaps: try me, twink

Pidgey: Shiro what took you so long to come here?

Hearithurgling: I see you gremlin

Hearithurgling: You kids and your

Hearithurgling: Diverting the subject

Hearithurgling: But yeah Shiro u took long af like wtf man

Grampaps: Sorry I was too busy clapping ur grandpa

Pidgey: :0

GordonRamsMe: :0c

Blueballs: :0cc

Keef: I

Hearithurgling: what is this filthy talk old man

Hearithurgling: ever since your hair went white youve been pretty bold

Hearithurgling: I miss the old shiro

Hearithurgling: Straight from the go shiro

Grampaps: To be quite frank

Grampaps: I don't give a fuck

Grampaps: I'm going to die at the ancient age of 7 anyways

Grampaps: Eat ass live fast am I right

Keef: Never type that again

Keef: you sound like

Keef: _him_

Blueballs: you called?

Hearithurgling: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hearithurgling: hear him hurgling.

Hearithurgling: John fortnite is **here**

Pidgey: Thats it youre all cancelled

Pidgey: Also Lance you never stated why you made this groupchat

Blueballs: Ok so basically

Hearithurgling: IM MONKY

Blueballs: DAMNNIT MATT OMG

Blueballs: To make a long ass story short

Blueballs: I shoved a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass

GodisaWoman: I just wanted to make some cookies man and I come back to my phone and see this

GodisaWoman: I just wanted to bake some goods to go with my earl grey

Godisawoman: This is British oppression

Blueballs: ALLURA

Blueballs: GUYS THE QUEEN IS HERE

Blueballs: the LEGEND

Hearithurgling: my pubic hairs are in ORBIT

Pidgey: hey matt I don't want to hear about your pubic hair 

Pidgey: anyways what up b we haven't chatted in like,, since yesterday

Keef: I forgot I was still here

Keef: Hi I haven't died (yet)

Blueballs: edgy

Grampaps: hey allura!

GodisaWoman: god this groupchat is as doomed as the last one

Pidgey: OH YEAH LANCE YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION

Blueballs: ok so

Blueballs: the old groupchat was dead so I made this one

Blueballs: also it didnt have keith or shiro because they both yeeted themselves out

Pidgey: understandable have a great d

Keef: wowie I almost feel special

Keef: *creep by radiohead plays in bg*

Hearithurgling: BUT I'M A CREEP

Grampaps: I'M A WEIRDOOO

Blueballs: WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?

Pidgey: I DON'T BELONG HERE

GordonRamsMe: y'all done?

Blueballs: Y'ALL

Pidgey: keef has really rubbed off on all of us

Pidgey: ugh his mind

Keef: why do you guys still call me keef will I ever catch a break

Pidgey: no

Blueballs: no

GordonRamsMe: no :(

GodisaWoman: no

Hearithurgling: no

Grampaps: no

Keef: SHIRO NOT YOU TOO

Grampaps: yes me too

Keef: Jesus will remember that

Keef: also why can't I change my user.. like at all

Pidgey: >;^3c

Keef: Pidge you little shit

Hearithurgling: Pidge as your older brother I demand that you delete that face

Hearithurgling: That is singlehandedly the worst thing you've ever typed

Hearithurgling: wait nevermind the essay on how cannibals correctly eat ass vs regular people is

Hearithurgling: but this is coming in second

Blueballs: excuse me the WHAT now

GordonRamsME: Lance this is Pidge we're talking about

Blueballs: damb you right

Pidgey: damb

Pidgey: h*ck you guys I could be innocent and very normal if I wanted

Blueballs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Blueballs: BIDGEON USE BIG BOY BAD WORD

Blueballs: ME NO LIKEY

Pidgey: well yeah? fr*ck your standards

Blueballs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Blueballs: _deadass explodes_

Pidgey: y'all hear sum?

Keef: I hear sum but imma ignore it

Grampaps: stop bullying the nice cuban boy 

Keef: I'll bully him all I want

Blueballs: meanie

Blueballs: keith how does it feel to literally commit a hate crime

Keef: what do you mean

GordonRamsMe: Oh no

GordonRamsMe: Lance no

Pidge: oh god  **no**

Blueballs: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Blueballs: WHEN YOU NOD YOUR HEAD YES

Blueballs: BUT YOU WANNA SAY NO

Grampaps: I'm shutting this down right now

Grampaps: Lance I didn't go through hell and back for this

Blueballs: you guys are no fun :(

Keef: no we just appreciate our mental health

GodisaWoman: its selfcare

GodisaWoman: also be sure to drink water to avoid crusty skin and crippling depression

Keef: too late

Hearithurgling: yo do you guys remember that one song

Keef: very specific

GordonRamsMe: how does it go

Hearithurgling: all the time i turn around

Hearithurgling: brothers gather round

Hearithurgling: always looking at me up and down

Hearithurgling: always looking at my u h

Blueballs: FERGALICIOUS

Blueballs: OMG I LOVE THAT SONG

Grampaps: aw my early highschool years

Grampaps: or was it late middle school

Grampaps: oh god i have dementia

Hearithurgling: you're really rocking the grandpa role shiro

GordonRamsMe: why are you being so mean to him hes both 6 and 87

GordonRamsMe: don't be mean to really old people and really young people

GordonRamsMe: I thought this was socially expected

Grampaps: hunk is the only child that matters here

Grampaps: the rest of you are trash

Blueballs: :(

Pidgey: :(

Keef: >:/

Hearithurgling: wow shiro

Hearithurgling: being called trash is the worst thing to do to young impressionable teenagers like pidge, keith, and lance

Hearithurgling: don't be so cruel

Grampaps: I know for a fact that I am not getting lectured by Matthew Holt in the flesh

Grampaps: you were just talking abt ur pubes like 5 minutes ago

Hearithurgling: in my defense

Hearithurgling: h

Hearithurgling: ur mom gay

Grampaps: im offended

Blueballs: get dunked on dad

Pidgey: get rekt m8

Keef: get roasted liberal

GordonRamsMe: god what is even going on anymore

Blueballs: idk and tbh idc

Grampaps: you kids and your abbreviations

Grampaps: speak like regular humans please

Blueballs: no

Pidgey: no

Grampaps: I guess I've been outvoted

Grampaps: but one day

Blueballs: hey keith

Keef: ?

Blueballs: can i haz beesechurger? >w<

Keef: thats it thats it im sick and tired of all the dumb things going on around here

Keef: im gonna

Keef: im gonna

Keef: im gonna go commit lance block

Blueballs: PLEASE DON'T

Blueballs: WHO ELSE WILL SUPPLY ME UNNECESSARY ANGER AND/OR INDIFFERENCE 

Blueballs: THOSE ARE THE 2 EMOTIONS I LACK THE MOST

Keef: too bad

Grampaps: you kids are a mess

GodisaWoman: I think we're all messes

GodisaWoman: but we're messes together

GodisaWoman: and thats what makes us a chaotic force to be reckoned with

Blueballs: thats oddly inspirational

Blueballs: allura wtf

GodisaWoman: ;)

GordonRamsMe: I came for memes I stayed for wholesomeness

Pidgey: real chaotic force hours

Blueballs: anyways

Blueballs: I'm tired

Blueballs: I think I'm done memeing for right now

Blueballs: goodnight guys

Pidgey: gn >:3

Keef: gn

GordonRamsMe: gn <3

Grampaps: gn

GodisaWoman: gn

Hearithurgling: gn

Hearithurgling: JOHN FORTNITE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hearithurgling: so

Hearithurgling: can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Hearithurgling: big titty anime neku alien waifu gf

Keef: god this chat is already going to shit


	2. Lancey Lance needs to Sleeby sleeb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes at 3am I go to the kitchen to get some slices of cheese and cry while listening to pumped up kicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry there isn't much klance in this chapter (or in this story at all so far tbh) but it will come  
> for now the memes shall suffice  
> also here's some platonic plance for all ur wholesome needs  
> I feel like Lance and Pidge would have a sibling like bond where they switch who acts like the older one a lot  
> also tag urself im the mice  
> ok im done

**Gamers Only**

_12:00 am Sunday_

__

Blueballs: ok so turns out I can't sleep at all and I've been staring at the wall for 2 hours straight

Pidgey: You **pleb.**

Pidgey: Real men don't need sleep.

Blueballs: im not a real man though

Blueballs: im a real girl gamer

Blueballs: ;)

Pidgey: We stan one king who shows his titties on twitch

Blueballs: anyways pidndgeonoion wyd

Pidgey: Spiritually starting anarchy, what about you?

Blueballs: how keef of you

Pidgey: I was the original edgelord

Pidgey: Wait no shiro was

Pidgey: I'm just saying Keith wasn't the first one to be an edgelord

Blueballs: Understandable

GodisaWoman: 13ghkred 4930 fidlwllw/ei49iDMVFNR

Blueballs: wtf

Pidgey: Allura are you ok?????? Do you need some milk???

GodisaWoman: I'm sorry my mice afghgrtyuthytrggtr

Blueballs: oh god they got allura

Pidgey: Allura blink twice if you're being held captive

GodisaWoman: The mice were walking on the keyboard again

Pidgey: when you WALKING

Blueballs: ASDFGHJKIUTR

Blueballs: PIDGE NO

GodisaWoman: I love them but they're cheeky little fuckers

Pidgey: I guess you could say they're absolute  _madlads_

GodisaWoman: It's too early for this goddamn bullshit

Pidgey: Allura what are you even doing up at this time? 

Pidgey: You usually pass out at 9

GodisaWoman: 1. incorrect I pass out at 9:30 so stfu

GodisaWoman: 2. stupid essay on my opinion about the death penalty in America

Blueballs: college seems hard

Blueballs: I no longer wish to attend

GodisaWoman: it's not so bad, you just take all your stress from highschool and multiply it times 5

GodisaWoman: Also add being poor from having unstable jobs, questioning your future, and wanting to have a trisha paytas breakdown from every minor inconvenience :)

Pidgey: Allura do you want to talk

Pidgey: Sounds rough

Blueballs: I do all that already I'm either going to prosper like a king or flop like a shitty soundcloud album

GodisaWoman: I'm really only surviving off of my parents' money

GodisaWoman: and the occassional help from Coran

Blueballs: CORAN

Blueballs: I haven't heard from him in like a week

Blueballs: I miss my uncle :^(

Pidgey: I think we ALL miss Coran

Pidgey: but seriously we should check on him

GodisaWoman: I mean I video call him daily

GodisaWoman: He seems well

GodisaWoman: He's just a little down in the dumps lately

GodisaWoman: But it's nothing to worry about

Pidgey: What happened?

GodisaWoman: It's the anniversary of grandfather's passing

GodisaWoman: the one who raised him

GodisaWoman: it's been 23 years but it still hurts him when the time comes

Blueballs: WHERES MY UNCKE I WANT TI GIVE HIM A HUG

Pidgey: Fighting the universe rn brb

GodisaWoman: Mood pidge, mood

GodisaWoman: Anyways back to my essay

GodisaWoman: I'll talk to you guys later

GodisaWoman: Also try to get some sleep Lance I know insomnia is a bitch

Blueballs: thank you allura

Blueballs: fuck that essay right in the ass

Blueballs: ok pidge since we're the only ones awake do you wanna play some 1am truth or dare? ;)

Pidgey: Suddenly I regret being alive

Pidgey: Sure

Blueballs: okokok

Blueballs: truth or dare???????

Pidgey: Truth

Pidgey: God knows how fucked up 1am Lance can be

Blueballs: would you clap shaggy from scooby doo if that meant you could make all your anime wives real

Pidgey: That's it Lance go to sleep

Pidgey: Either that or I block you

Blueballs: no fun :(

Blueballs: ok but here's a serious truth

Blueballs: Joji or Pink Guy?

Pidgey: Joji is the superior form, next

Blueballs: you could've said both you swine

Pidgey: Boo whore

Blueballs: >:(

Pidgey: Ok truth or dare

Blueballs: dare

Pidgey: Oh we got a _madlad_ over here

Pidgey: I dare you to go to bed

Blueballs: I

Blueballs: You got me there

Pidgey: What's causing your insomnia?

Blueballs: do you want the honest answer or the meme answer

Pidgey: As _compelling_ as the meme option sounds

Pidgey: I want you to be honest

Pidgey: This has been happening every other day for weeks now

Blueballs: I'll dm you

Pidgey: Ok

_________

Blueballs>Pidgey

Blueballs: to sum it up, I've been feeling really shitty lately

Blueballs: like shit shitty

Blueballs: like shit smeared all over the walls shitty

Pidgey: OK I GET IT

Blueballs: anyways

Blueballs: my insecurities have been exploding like wow

Blueballs: I've felt like such a nuisance 

Blueballs: I feel like everyone finds me annoying and only tolerates me

Pidgey: You know that's not true

Pidgey: We love you and yeah we joke around a lot but we never mean to make you feel bad

Blueballs: I know but

Blueballs: After all that's happened in the past year it's finally starting to get to me

Blueballs: I don't know why I suddenly feel so dumb?

Blueballs: no that's not the word

Blueballs: I'm not suicidal or anything

Blueballs: I just don't see myself having a life of my own??

Blueballs: I just simply exist

Pidgey: Look man you mean the world to us and seeing this just hurts my soul. You're the best friend (other than Hunk) I could ask for. When Matt isn't here you're the closest thing to a brother I have. Your existence is here for you to enjoy life. I don't know what's going on in that big head of yours but I'm going to hack in there and change the programming.

Blueballs: that last sentence was so dorky omg

Blueballs: this is why we love u

Blueballs: but seriously that made me feel a lot better

Blueballs: thank u, pidge

Pidgey: No problem Lance

Pidgey: I'm always here

Pidgey: <3

Blueballs: I think I'll go to sleep now

Blueballs: or at least try

Blueballs: gn birb

Pidgey: gn shork


	3. they did surgery on a grape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love fanon matt so much

**Gamers Only**

_6:27 am Monday_

__

Grampaps: Guod Mournigng

GodisaWoman: good "mournigng" to you too

Grampaps: leeve me alone i can baely type ajnd I just woke up

GodisaWoman: 6am shiro must be a different breed

Hearithurgling: yes

Hearithurgling: yes he is

GodisaWoman: thank you for the confirmation _matthew holt the second_

Hearithurgling: no problem _allura_

Hearithurgling: hey

Hearithurgling: no one calls you anything other than allura

Hearithurgling: and none of us know your last name

Hearithurgling: **this ruins my reply.**

Hearithurgling: **I am angered, Allura**

GodisaWoman: die mad about it _ratthew_

GodisaWoman: I will go to extremes to ensure that I am not called by or even known as anyone other than "Allura"

Hearithurgling: Is that a threat or a challenge?

Hearithurgling: either way I shall take it head on

GodisaWoman: It's however you interpret it

GodisaWoman: so you may as well consider it both :)

Keef: I get one(1) good night of sleep and then I wake up to a battle between an instagram baddie with the body and brains of a goddess and a neckbeard.

Keef: I used to wait for such excitement but alas, how I dread it..

Hearithurgling: you call allurat all these great things but im simply a neckbeard?

Hearithurgling: thats cruel keith

Keef: Life is a bitch sometimes

Hearithurgling: now I see where your loyalties lie

Hearithurgling: I was there for you in your emo phase

Hearithurgling:  _I was there for you when mcr broke up_

Keef: Look at the time it's Matt shut up o'clock

Keef: We don't mention that

Keef: I'm shivering thanks to that

Keef: Oh the memories...

Hearithurgling: see how it feels, queef?

Hearithurgling: not so good now  _is it?_

GordonRamsMe: hey guys what's going on? :D

Keef: Just Matt making me relive my horrific years of being an emo

GordonRamsMe: thats not nice, matt

Hearithurgling: keith started it smh

Hearithurgling: ahem anyways

Hearithurgling: don't let this distract you from the fact that they did surgery on a grape

GordonRamsMe: they w

Hearithurgling: they did surgery on a grape

GordonRamMe: they did surgery on a grape

Hearithurgling: yes, they did surgery on a grape

GodisaWoman: im angry

GordonRamsMe: ? why? :(

GodisaWoman: I got ready but it turns out they cancelled class because of the weather

GordonRamsMe: ugh lucky

GodisaWoman: I mean if my classes got cancelled because of the weather, then that means the Garrison should close right?

GordonRamsMe: with the garrison it's usually hit or miss

GodisaWoman: matt don't say it

GodisaWoman: matt I see you typing

GodisaWoman: matt I swear to god

GodisaWoman: matthew holt.

GodisaWoman: it's a dead meme now

GodisaWoman: you're still typing

GodisaWoman: matt I will literally break off all your limbs

Pidgey: He'd like that, Allura.

GodisaWoman: oh hey pidge

GodisaWoman: WAIT I JUST LET MYSELF GET DISTRACTED

GodisaWoman: matt no

GodisaWoman: m

Hearithurgling: 🤕Hit 👊 or miss😳 I guess 🤔they 👉never ❌ miss, huh 😕😕? You 🙌got 🤪a boyfriend😍, I bet 🎰😶he 😨doesn't 👎kiss 😘😘 ya🤭 mwah💖 😻He 🧐gon' find 🔍🔍 another girl 👶 🤩and he 😮won't😤 miss👌 ya🙀 He 🤤gon' 😲skrrt and hit 👊👊 the dab😎 like 😄😄 Wiz 🤠Khalifa🤑

GodisaWoman: thats it im going afk

GordonRamsMe: matt I

GordonRamsMe: why

GordonRamsMe: w h y

Pidgey: I don't want to go to school today

Pidgey: can I get an F

GordonRamsMe: f

Hearithurgling: f

Blueballs: f

GordonRamsMe: good morning lance!

Bluballs: what's poppin? any corns?

Pidgey: no

Pidgey: never say that again

Pidgey: god

Hearithurgling: saving for later to torture pidge

Pidgey: _god_

GordonRamsMe: GUYS SCHOOL GOT CANCELLED

Pidgey: MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

Blueballs: oh fuck yeah time to go back to sleep

Blueballs: zzz

Pidgey: mood

Pidgey: now I can go back to "coding"

Hearithurgling: r/suspicious quotes

Hearithurgling: but seriously what are you hacking this time I'm scared

Pidgey: >:^3c 

Pidgey: a good magician never tells

Hearithurgling: now I'm even more intrigued

Hearithurgling: I swear you're even more addicted to this stuff than me when I was your age

Hearithurgling: and that means a lot

Hearithurgling: needless to say I'm proud

Pidgey: I'm touched <3

Pidgey: ok seriously I'm going afk

Hearithurgling: aw fuck I need to adult now

Hearithurgling: you know they could've closed the lab today too

GordonRamsMe: ah the perks of being a teen

Hearithurgling: this is unfair

Keef: Everything is unfair.

Keef: That's how it is on this bitch of an earth. 

Hearithurgling: I'm gonna take a shower before I can get harassed any further

Keef: I should do the same

Hearithurgling: yeah

Hearithurgling: yeah you should

Hearithurgling: you musty husky

Hearithurgling: wash your fursuit

Keef: I

Keef: Next time you come over it's **on sight**.

Hearithurgling: ok gerard way

Keef: ok bbronyboy87

Hearithurgling: I THOUGHT WE AGREED NEVER TO MENTION THAT

Keef: friendship is magic, slut

Hearithurgling: that's it shower time

Hearithurgling: bye you bully

Hearithurgling: when I get out I'm gonna report u

Keef: I'm so threatened.


End file.
